Harsh Wind, Loving Flames, Really Bright Light
by Dumbjohn
Summary: Raikim, RaiOC. What happens when a new dragon joins the temple and Raimundo likes the look of her? Will the relationship between Kimiko and Raimundo change, will love get in the way of saving the world? What happens if he needs to hurt those he loves? R
1. Light Introduces Love, or Somthing

**Author's Note: Hi guys, this is another story from me. ****Instead of updating it all the time, I might update this only once a month or so to get on with my other stories. With the success of the "SV Tribute" I thought I'd make a sequel, a proper, full story. Instead of making fun of Mary Sues, this story will poke fun at those stories you see all the time. The ones full of romance that people only read because it has something to do with Raimundo in it, or some kind of Kimiko pairing or Rai pairing with an OC. Don't worry, this story will be written to include my random humour and breaking of the forth wall that you loved in the prequel. And an OC. Who is a Mary Sue. Yay. Oh yeah, if you have Raikim or something to do with love and Raimundo in your pen name, you have fallen into my trap! This trap is to show you how awful some of these Raimundo fics are, but please still review. Rai fan girls, your peaceful life ends here!**

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**So It Begins; The Ultimate Story Of Love! Harsh Wi****nd, Loving Flames, Really Bright Light!**

It was a freaking ordinary day at the temple, Master Fung had called all four dragons to share with them some important news. Raimundo was the leader, because he is the best. Omi doesn't count, even though Omi is far stronger than him. So is Clay.

"Guess what's happening?" asked Fung, acting weird and out of character like in every fic where a new element to the storyline is introduced, or written by a girl younger than 13.

"What is happening master?" asked Omi, knowing that this was possibly the only time he'd be able to speak.

Can you guess?

"A NEW XIAOLIN WARRIOR! I'm not even going to explain why the hell she is a chosen one, I'm just going to leave you all alone so you can all fall in love etc!" he said, before showing them the new warrior.

She was a girl that was about Kimiko's age, ONLY WAY HOTTER. She had perfect pink hair and rainbow coloured eyes, her Xiaolin uniform was purple and covered in sequins and glitter and butterflies. It also came complete with armoured shoulder pads and a katana and a magic belt and pretty much everything that made her look unique and special.

"Hi…" she whispered, uh oh, she has some kind of sad past because she's related to a villain somehow.

Raimundo looked puzzled, but anyway, this girl was sexy.

"Who is she?" asked the wind dragon.

Fung put his hand on Raimundo's shoulder in a really creepy manner.

"Mah Boi, this is Francesca, dragon of light. She has more power than all of you combined into one," he explained to the Xiaolin leader.

The four Xiaolin dragons didn't seem to mind the fact that they were involved with a Mary Sue, so they took her to the training room.

"Hey Francesca, your powers are incredible!" said Clay.

Raimundo pushed the earth dragon away.

"No, you can't speak to her! I'm obviously destined to be with her! I'm the main character of the whole series, my head is the 'O' in Xiaolin Showdown after all!" shouted Raimundo, denying the fact that he was no way near as cool as the person whose head was REALLY the 'O'.

Clay narrowed his eyes.

"I'm the least popular character in the series; I know that those varmints are going to get rid of me somehow. I just know it…" he thought.

Francesca looked sheepish as she stepped into the arena; there were training dummies around her. With one huge flash of light, the dummies were wiped from existence. She was so powerful she could actually harm people with light, now that takes a lot of beating!

"WOOT! You're freaking amazing! My l33t skills shall never be as powerful as yours, Francesca!" exclaimed Raimundo.

Kimiko's eyes narrowed.

"That girl will form some sort of pairing with Raimundo, I'm in love with Raimundo! After all, we have kissed one or two times during the show, the only existence we have to support the theories of Raikim. Hell, I think there's even more evidence that I could be in love with Omi, even Clay maybe. But Omi and Clay are MINORS; they don't deserve love unless it's with an OC who is as deformed as they are! I must stop Rai and Francesca from falling in love, even if it involves me being captured by a plastic villain in an overused plot!" thought Kimiko.

Dojo suddenly came into the room; obviously there was some sort of Wu that had activated. By Wu I mean plot device.

"The Twin Hearts of Pure Awesome allow two people to unite their hearts if they're in love and unleash a powerful blast that can destroy anything!" explained Dojo, ignoring the new girl and Omi.

"Where is the new Wu?" asked Raimundo.

"It's in the Bahamas, where my girlfriend lives!" explained Dojo.

Raimundo faced the members of his team, but couldn't help staring into eyes of Francesca.

"Let's go! Jack might get there first and hurt Dojo's girlfriend!" he exclaimed.

Dojo's eyes narrowed and he smiled.

"Excellent, they think I actually have a girlfriend!" he thought.

He grew to his large form and they travelled to the sunny tropical beach where the new Shen Gong Wu was, the grey overcast day got Raimundo thinking about love.

"Oh Francesca, soon I shall get the new Wu and prove our true love! But wait; there is another girl I love, Kimiko! I am so confused…angst…angst…angst. But at least I've always got you, power of the wind!" he thought.

A cold gust of wind caused his hair to be messed up.

"My own element has betrayed me…" Raimundo whispered.

They landed on the sunny beach, but to their despair the Wu was in the hands of Jack Spicer; the most evil person in the world who wants to murder everyone and steal their bodies because he's a psycho.

"The Wu is mine, Xiaolin Losers! Face my wrath as I use my awesome robots, armed with weapons that can actually hurt you for once!" shouted Jack, summoning his evil robot army. Did I mention he was REALLY evil?

Francesca jumped forwards; she was the strongest warrior in existence.

"Time for me to shine! Wudai Supernova Light!" shouted the Mary Sue, creating an explosion of light that destroyed all of the Jack Bots in the area.

Now Jack was without his army, he prepared to fight Raimundo. The two boys leapt at each other, seeing who was the strongest.

"My illiterate twelve year old fan girls give me strength!" shouted Jack.

"Mine do too, plus I have a sucky element!" shouted Raimundo.

With a mighty cataclysm, the two fighters struck. As the smoke cleared, it became apparent that only one fighter was still standing. It was Raimundo, yay! But I strongly dislike him.

"C'mon team, the Wu is ours!" said Raimundo, proudly.


	2. Without Flames, Love is Dumb

The warriors returned to the temple after retrieving the new Shen Gong Wu, Francesca sat with Raimundo in the garden.

"So Francesca, since you're a Wudai warrior, you need a Wudai weapon and an elemental Wu!" explained Raimundo.

"Nope, I don't need them because I'm more powerful than you!" giggled Francesca.

Raimundo's eyes narrowed.

"That's what Kimiko, Clay and the other one said when they were going to get their Wudai weapons. Anyway, I still love her!" he thought.

Meanwhile, at Jack's lab, the insane evil genius was thinking of a plan to get rid of the super awesome powerful new Xiaolin warrior.

"I need to think, or they'll pick on me because I'm unarmed and weak. They might cause me so much pain again, just because they want to earn points to see who was going to be leader. This time I might stop breathing for an even longer time, but my plans of world domination are the things that stop me from committing suicide."

Master Fung appeared for no reason and put his hand on Jack's shoulder.

"Mah Boi, why don't you think of a plan to kidnap one of the girls?" he said before vanishing mysteriously.

An evil smile spread across Jack's face; that was a perfect plan he had thought of…

At Chase Young's lair, the mighty warrior himself was thinking. He had organised the perfect method of recruiting someone, he got out his phone and dialled a random number.

"How would you like to gain awesome power beyond your wildest dreams?"

"Hannah? Is that you? I said I'm not going to forgive you, you hear me?"

"Think about it, you shall become immortal and gain the ability to manipulate evil magic."

"What the hell are you talking about? This was the very reason why I broke up with you in the first place, thinking up strange chat up lines like that!"

"You shall have an invincible force of jungle cat warriors, no army in the land will have the power to stand up to you!"

"What's that Hannah? You want to speak to my ass? Okay!"

Chase put down the phone; this would take longer than he thought. Master Fung put his hand on Chase's shoulder.

"Mah Boi, why don't you think of a plan to kidnap one of the girls?" Fung said before leaving.

Chase rubbed his hands together; he was the most evil person in the universe, after all.

Back at the temple, another Wu had been activated.

"So Dojo, what's the Wu? Or in other words, what sort of horrible disease have you got from sensing it?" asked Kimiko.

Dojo thought for a while.

"Well, it seems that I don't have a disease," replied Dojo.

Suddenly, an alien burst out of his chest and ran down the hallway.

"Great, now Master Fung will make me clean this mess up…" sighed Raimundo.

"Do you think we should call the child cruelty stoppers and tell them that Master Fung forces us to do tasks that don't help us learn new skills at all like the chores in the movie about that kid that does Karate?" questioned Omi, he knew that this would be the time to speak, so he squeezed out every word he could think of.

Master Fung put his hand on Omi's shoulder.

"Mah Boi, of course it helps you. For doubting me, you shall spend the rest of the year learning pointless animal facts and watch the whole second series of 'Adventure into Something'!" he said.

Omi sighed and went inside the temple, Raimundo shrugged his shoulders. Francesca, Raimundo, Clay and Kimiko all got into the Silver Manta Ray. This way of flying didn't make them look like idiots, plus the silver craft was far cooler.

"Wait, where exactly are we flying to?" asked Francesca.

"Who cares, lets just fly anywhere. The Wu aren't that important anymore, it's not like we use them anymore in the following episode," replied Raimundo.

Remember the Zing Zom Bone? The Rio Reverso? Shard of Lightning? Probably not.

Due to Raimundo's simple mind, they landed in the Bahamas again. Jack was standing in the exact same place where they last saw him, laughing maniacally.

"Jack, we're gonna beat you again! Prepare to be wounded in a sensitive place! Fire is powerful because it can burn things!" shouted Kimiko.

"Earth is strong because it's the very ground that stand on, like water, living things need it in order to exist!" shouted Clay.

"Light is powerful because plants need it in order to make food!" shouted Francesca.

"Wind is…wind lets you blow things! Okay, maybe if we got rid of wind some plants wouldn't be able to disperse seeds. Like the weeds, yeah…and you'll have to think of another way to get electricity without harming the environment, like tidal power…" whispered Raimundo, wishing he was fire or earth or water or light.

Okay, maybe some sports and kite flying will be the things we lose without wind, but that's not the end of the world, is it?

Jack laughed again as he pressed a button on his watch, a net trapped Kimiko. She wailed as she discovered that it was a fire proof net, Jack carried her into his ship and he flew off.

"No! Kimiko!" screamed Raimundo.

Rai knelt down as Clay tried to comfort him.

"Its okay, we'll get her back before Jack kills her," he said.

"Jack can kill people?" asked Raimundo, before crying louder.

Clay sighed.

"Let's just go back home and think of a plan…" he said.


	3. Some More Love

**Author's Note: Well, I'm glad that SOME people understand the point of this story, but I'm NOT GLAD that some people seem to think I am taking this thing seriously. Well, to repeat what I said in chapter 1, I'M SICK OF RAIKIM/RAI CENTRED FICS! I'm trying to highlight how stupid some of them can be, you know, some stories out there aren't even romance and they're still good! All because something doesn't have any pairings in them doesn't mean it's a crap fic! Plus, about 79 percent of those illiterate 12 year old girls out there who review this kind of junk don't know what a Mary Sue is? ****Plus, this fic is in the PARODY category! PARODY, BITCH!**

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"I've got it! I've thought of a way that we can get Kimiko back!" exclaimed Raimundo after ten hours of thinking.

"Yeah Raimundo, we thought of a plan nine hours ago," said Clay.

Dojo suddenly appeared, even though they saw him get killed when the alien parasite burst out of him in the last chapter.

"I know! I can fly around and look for her, Francesca can go on my back because I'm not gay!" he explained.

Francesca impaled the annoying dragon with her katana, she gave an innocent smile.

"Oops, I accidentally touched Dojo…with my sword," she giggled.

Raimundo smiled.

"Girl, you're getting cooler each millisecond I have my eyes on you!" he purred.

Clay stamped on Dojo's body a couple of times.

"Oops, and I accidentally touched him a few times…with my boot," he said.

Francesca and Raimundo looked at him as if he was stupid.

"Dude, quit tweaking other peoples jokes," Raimundo said.

Meanwhile, back in the hall, Omi was cleaning up for no reason. The floor wasn't even dirty, but Fung had asked Omi to do it. The unappreciated Xiaolin warrior slammed his broom on the floor; he didn't have time for this.

"I shall start a new show now that this show has ended! That'll teach those swine a lesson!" Omi shouted.

He ran out of the temple, nobody realized or cared. Meanwhile, Francesca looked for Kimiko while in the Silver Manta Ray. She suddenly saw a black hared girl standing in the middle of the field; Francesca knew that it was probably Kimiko. She landed the mystical craft next to the black haired figure, Francesca got the fright of her life, it was actually Chase.

"No, what are you doing? Stop!" screamed Francesca as the villain got closer…

Meanwhile, in his underground lair, Omi had assembled his very own heroic team. He sat at his desk and eyed the members of his team; each of them had their very own reasons for joining Omi's side. Jermaine, an old favourite, was the first to say his words.

"I've hardly appeared in this freaking show! I'm about as strong as Omi, therefore making myself better than Raimundo, even though I have no element. Well, actually, I had an element in one of the authors other stories…but it was actually kind of sucked," explained Jermaine.

The second person was a very small boy who looked almost exactly like Raimundo; he had a massive grin on his face.

"And who are you, little boy?" questioned Omi.

The little Rai clone's eyes lit up.

"Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree, Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee…" he sang.

"Okay, we get the picture," said Omi, putting his hand over the little boy's mouth.

He then went onto the next person, a janitor with grey hair and blue dungarees.

"I'm transforming guy!" exclaimed the man.

"But why are you a janitor?" questioned Omi.

Transforming Guy thought to himself while Omi went onto the next person. She was a young teenage girl, who looked a bit emo. She was happy though, she had ginger hair and a tattoo of…Raimundo.

"Great, another Raimundo fan…" sighed Omi.

"I LIKE TO DRAW FURRIES!" screamed the girl, almost blowing Omi away.

The water monk got back on his feet.

"Okay, my Super Hero Team I've built for no apparent reason is ready to roll!" he said.


	4. Like Shakespere, But With Lots Of Love

Omi woke up; he was in a dimly lit room. It became apparent to him that his super hero escapades were just a dream, bought on by the intoxicating fumes of his soap that he used to clean the floors. He knew that he shouldn't have gotten the 'Spring Grass' scented soap, but it was half price. To make matters worse, he was chained to a radiator. Oh dear…

Meanwhile, back where Clay and Raimundo were:

"NOOOO! Now Francesca is gone! I am only able to rescue one of the girls…" cried Raimundo.

Clay patted his friend on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, I'll make things better," he said calmly.

The cowboy walked off, the sound of someone sawing wood and using an electric screwdriver was heard in the background.

Clay: How's this?

Rai: Great. Now the entire chapter is in script format.

Clay: Much better, aint it?

Rai: (Slaps forehead) Never mind.

(Back at Jack Spicer's lair, Kimiko was still being held hostage)

Jack: So Kimiko, how does it feel to be separated from your friends?

Kim: I like bananas.

Jack: Bananas?

Kim: Bananas.

Jack: You like bananas?

Kim: Bananas! Bananas!

Jack: Who wants bananas?

Kim: Bananas, Bananas.

Jack: Would you like some bananas?

Kim: Bananas.

Jack: Banana!

Kim: I would like some bananas.

Jack: Bananas?

Fung: Ma Boi!

Kim: Banana.

Jack: Bananas!

Kim: I love bananas!

Jack: Bananas we love!

(They stopped)

Jack: Why are you here again?

Kim: (Shrugs shoulders) I dunno.

(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Chase still held Francesca captive)

Chase: With you held captive, the others will come in to save you. Then, I shall use an overused plan to capture them all, and make the yellow one my apprentice again!

Fran: You mean Umi?

Chase: Umi Rodriguez?

Fran: That's the one.

Chase: (Looks around) How old are you again?

Fran: Fifteen.

Chase: (Rubs hands) Excellent.

Fran: What?

Chase: I said nothing; I was commenting on the nice weather in here.

(Tumbleweed rolls by)

Fran: What? I can't hear you; this cage is making me deaf.

Chase: Must be the bees.

Fran: Bees?

Chase: There are bees in China?

(Back at the temple, Clay was fixing the chapter)

Clay: One more twist and… (Click)

"Well it's good to have inverted commas again," said Raimundo after Clay's work was finished.

"So have you made up your mind about who you're going to save?" asked Clay.

Raimundo fell to his knees and started to cry again.

"KIMIKO! FRANCESCA! NOOOO!"


	5. Love is Pretty Cool

Raimundo flew through the air with Clay sitting on him; they were trying to find where Francesca and Kimiko were.

"Let's check out Chase's lair first, he always tries to capture children," Clay said to the wind dragon.

"Which lair is Chase's again?" asked Rai.

There were multiple evil lairs that all looked the same, many people had tried to copy Chase's style.

"His lair is the one with the bees," Clay explained, finally figuring out what made Chase's lair so special.

Inside Chase's lair, the evil villain was being creepy as usual. Francesca was still trapped, she seemed extremely distressed. Raimundo and Clay came charging through the entrance, she raised her head when she saw her hero arrive.

"Raimundo, this crazy woman has me captured!" she shouted to the two warriors.

"I am no woman; it's natural for villains these days to be Asian, have elaborate hairstyles, body armour, pale skin and weird eyes!" shouted Chase.

Raimundo stepped forwards, raising his fists.

"You are one freaky woman, Chase Young. I'm surprised why people pair you up with Kimiko and other female characters when you're the real girl around here," he said, smiling.

"You freaking douche," sighed Chase, snapping his fingers to summon his enslaved warriors.

A swarm of angry bees flew towards Raimundo and his idiot cowboy companion that nobody seems to like.

"Bees? What happened to the jungle cats?" asked Clay.

"People are far more frightened of bees than lions, little boy," Chase smiled, winking at the earth warrior.

The bees continued to do bee things as Raimundo thought of a cunning plan.

"There are no bees, or spoon," Rai whispered.

In a puff of smoke, the bees vanished. Rai had so many fan girls that he could defy the matrix, he had more fan girls than Omi. Omi is the real main character of the show, if you haven't noticed yet, Rai fan girls.

"Little boy needs a spanking," growled Chase.

"Little boy needs some sort of Deus Ex Machina to help him win," added Raimundo.

He remembered the wise words of his master.

"Mah Boi, you will always be my slave."

Then he remembered the words of Dojo (Who some writers leave out of their stories altogether).

"The Twin Hearts of Pure Awesome allow two people to unite their hearts if they're in love and unleash a powerful blast that can destroy anything!"

Raimundo reached into his pocket and pulled out the Shengongwu. He and Francesca combined their energies into one super mega blast; the beam shot out and smashed Chase through the ceiling. The concentrated energy also smashed open Francesca's cage, she ran to Raimundo and he held her in his arms.

"I will be with you always," she whispered.

Clay tapped his friend on the shoulder, he remembered something.

"Rai, we still need to rescue Kimiko!" he shouted.

Rai realized that he had two girls that he equally loved, he realized the danger that Kimiko was in.

"Godspeed, everyone," Raimundo said.

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**http://www.nhm.ac.uk/research-curation/projects/bombus/**

**Bees; serious business. **


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